Thursday, May 15, 2008

"Hey Democrats: Just Pick One!"

If you can't laugh about yourselves and each other - then I am very sorry for you. I laughed myself silly over both sides of the story. (Warning - takes a few minutes to load)

For those who didn't study in the Appalachians and thus don't speak the language, here's a rough transcription of the latter part:

"Hey Democrats: Pick One!"

"Why would anybody want a Democrat in Office? They can't even make their damned minds up who they want to run!"

"Democrats in the office are like 

"Should we bomb Iran or should we not bomb Iran...?" 

".....I can't make a decision..."

".....But it's such a historic decision...."

"....It's such a historic decision that I can't make up my mind...."

"Look: the Republicans had a bunch of crappy candidates, too - and we all hated each other, too - and the headlines said "Republicans tearing their Party apart"

But, finally, we all came together and we said "Aw, fuck it: McCain!"

(Normally I'd tell you to watch your language right there but that pretty much sums it up). "See: Jackie and I have no love for McCain but here we are giving him helpful, profane campaign slogans..."

 "That's right - see we picked a candidate and get right behind him - He might be terrible for the country, but at least we made a damned decision!"

"See: the Republicans all came together: all the Mexican-haters and the Muslim-haters and the Oil Executives and the Gun-Nuts and the Gay-bashers and the Home-Schoolers and the Clinic-Bombers and we put aside our differences..."

(Well, all except for the Ron Paul-Whackos) 

"... and we said, 'I can't stand to look at these Sons of Bitches for another day - let's just go with the oldest.." (Yea!)

"So now all you Democrats out there: 

You need to gather up all your Homosexuals and your Atheists and your Elitists and your Baby-Killers and your Tree-Huggers and your Flag-Burners and your Socialists and your Communists and your Undercover-Islamo-Fascists and your Screen-Actors' Guild and the last living members of the Weather Underground - Throw up a bunch of pictures of Obama and Hillary, grab one and GO WITH IT!"

"Aw hell, just turn and look in a mirror real fast with Hillary and Obama and the first one who catches your eye...just to get rid of it"

"Democrats: Pick one and hurry the hell up" 

"Good Lord: Make up your minds - I need to know who the hell I'm gonna vote against!"

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